My Memoirs

read an excerpt...

what is

the epitome of music?

I was standing under a mango tree listening to the conversation of Dr. Rustum Barjorji and Rajesh Shah who were discussing their growth in Sahaj and the speed at which Shri Mataji was now taking them to their ascent. Seeing a mused smile on my face, Rajesh Shah told me that, since I was not self-realised, it would be difficult to understand their conversation. Rustum was surprised to know that I did not have my Self-realisation. He asked me as to why I was not getting my Self-realisation. I counter-questioned him, saying that would he have accepted his own sister as the Adi Shakti or the Divinity? He said the he would give me Self-realisation in two minutes. I thought he was talking through his hat because Shri Mataji Herself had tried for well over thirteen years and had not succeeded.

     Anyway, taking him on his word, I said that I challenged him to give me Self-realisation. He asked me to sit down under the tree and put his hand on my head, ruffling my hair, which I did not like. Anyway, I said that his failure would be my triumph and I was so confident that he would fail in giving me Self-realisation. He started asking me questions. The first question he asked me was as to what I loved the most. I said Shri Mataji, obviously. He said, other than Shri Mataji, what did I love the most. And I said music, obviously. Then he asked me a very innocent question. He asked as to what was the epitome of music, the highest point, the pinnacle. I thought for a moment and replied, “That note which is created by the artist and accepted by the audience fully, without any loss to the music created by that note.” I thought I had answered marvelously and I expected Rustum to be floored by my answer. To this Rustum suddenly said, “Think that Shri Mataji is not your sister, but the epitome of music that you just described so beautifully.” That sentence of his did the job. The link of the brother-sister relationship had been so strong and the bond of love so unshakable that I had not been able to get out of my conditioning of the relationship, but, in identifying Shri Mataji as that note which is the pinnacle of music, this bond was broken. The shackles were removed and suddenly I found a new identity of Shri Mataji which was totally formless, which had no prefixes or suffixes, which was put and unmaligned by the stains of relation or any bond. I felt a strange experience within myself, as if the identity of my sister was being taken over by the identity of this formless note of music. I knew then and there that a transformation was taking place within me. Suddenly, I felt very cool all over, particularly in my hands and on my head and my eyes started to dilate. I had become thoughtless involuntarily and nothing seemed to register with me, as if I was in a trance in some other different world.

     As soon as Rajesh saw my eyes dilating, he started dancing with joy and said, “Babamama has got it!” Thus saying, he ran to Shri Mataji to convey to Her the news. Later, Rustum took me to Shri Mataji and She said that, though late, I had arrived at my destination. This happened on the 28th of December 1985. That evening, I told Guruji and my other musicians about my experience and said that soon they would have to follow suit, since Self-realisation is a fantastic experience.

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